No, no! Sheets! Bed sheets!

When you drink, or when you are drunk, it's as though your senses are heightened and lowered.

You enter the cubical. You drop the toilet seat. You scrunch up your dress in your hands. sit. you hear nothing but you ARE .peeing. then after what feels like a minute... OH MY GOSH WHAT IS WITH THAT WATERFALL GUSHING FROM YOUR CROTCH?!?!?!? but there's nothing...? you're just peeing... normally... BUT WHY IS IT SO LOUD??!!!? IT WAS SILENT BEFORE?!?!?!? I AM SO CONFUSED!?!?!

I AM

YOU ARE

WE ARE

DRUNK

however when it comes to cheese your senses are drastically lowered, down, down, down (to turn on the radio, it was our favourite song...) which is why blue cheese is like the sweetest tasting anything you ever wished for or like the caress of your korean girl crush at work who tonight, as saying goodbye, continuously rubbed your back aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah and you just died in your frame, The frame that she continued to rub about... as blue cheese would die, if it were living and entering your mouth, which it should be, BlogBear this means you. you see all my life I had loved aaaaaaaaaallllllllll cheeses except blue cheese and over the last couple of years i would try it but to me it tasted like water up the nose until this year, when drunk, i ate it and looooved it and now i feel so accomplished for i am now a true cheese fanatic. it is the best feeling.

I have realised that when you and I are intoxicated our cheese senses are less sensitive so you and I need the strongest cheese to tap into that fromagegasm that gets you/us off which is why blue cheese is like heaven to touch, to hold, to kiss, to... jane! ahhh i love jane

Baby I was born this way

While I may be a month behind in lectures for all my units, have missed my last three tutorials, have free wifi fuelling my ebay addiction, not be doing any of my 10 online assessments each week (it's so easy to 'forget' about them) and actually attempting seducing one of my lab instructors so I can pass; my biggest problem at uni is that I have no one to have lunch with :(

This is because I have no friends at uni

Firstly, friends from school or that I knew before this year that are at the same uni as me (ok I do have some) aren't my closest friends but ALL of them are each-other's bestie. So at around one o'clock when I'm awkwardly walking around

the lawn, pretending to be on my phone when really I'm trying to scope out some 'friends', they're all sitting in their lectures (which they have TOGETHER) having already had their lunch rendevue at 12, which they'd planned because (a) they text and (b) they know each-other's timetables.

Secondly, I can't sit with my uni friends because I HAVEN'T MADE ANY! (actually I have but more on that later*)

Luckily, I think I've figured out why i'm such a loner! yay!

reason 1: I watch Glee in public. All I do at uni is watch Glee clips and someone can always see your laptop screen at uni so guys to my right, pahhleeeese stop looking down my jumper whenever I bend over... AWKWARD!

Until the pure genius of glee is fully realised by the world population I'm afraid watching Glee is worse, socially, then actually being in the glee club. oh well, I guess having a couch to myself in the science cafe is better then a cold slushy to my face.

Reason 2: I eat fruit in public. well, I call it eating, you can might

call it something else... How I eat fruit is probably going to get its own post in the not too distant future so I will just give you the run down; I tend to strip it of most of its flesh and leave the core because the core is the sweetest part and tastes/smells delicious and then I eat that part too.

these are two pictures of me eating my kiwi fruit from 5 minutes ago when i epiphanised my reasons for being a loner.

I hope you cant see too well what's going on in the pictures because I gotta save it for my exclusive/explicit fruit eating post but just imagine the large cafe of people on the other side of my laptop!

man I can't even remember the other reasons but my point is, university is ridiculing me for me being me! I WAS BORN THIS WAY! ahhh gaga4gaga <3... seriously, right now I have the country road version of Born This Way on repeat.

hmmm 'I was born this way' brings me to an uncomfortable point and probably an asterisk...

*It has come to my attention, mainly because of uni and all the miscreants who call it 'home', that I am a creep magnet. You see I have made 'friends' (ughh wash my mouth out) but we aren't friends because I hate them and they're freaks.

"I'm beautiful in my own way"... a way that's attractive to FREAKS ARRGH (If i want to make it cunty, baby that's okay because I was born to be brave...)

Also, I have actually made one friend (doesn't mean all my pain you've just read through isn't real!) but he once told me off for what I can only assume was me being myself, I'm still a little confused. I was telling him how for ages when I rode to and from uni I would feel super embarrassed because I couldn't put my gears any higher and my legs would be going so fast and I must have looked like the biggest idiot to all the cars driving past until i remembered there were gears on the left side of the handlebar too! Duh! then he laughed (at me) and said "wow that is really embarrassing, you probably shouldn't tell people". He probably didn't say those exact words because that sounds douche-y and he's not douche-y but I can' remember his words eactly. aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAaaaanyways, even a real friend is making fun of me for being me :(

I just read this then, maybe 3 weeks after I first wrote this and I'm not sure how to end it, so I'll end it here... but not before I add that now I'm even further behind in my lectures, haven't been to 3 more of my tutorials for one unit and in doing so managed to miss all notices on a presentation we were meant to present worth 10% and so missed that assessment entirely, skipped one more of another unit's tutorials then walked out of my most recent one because my tutor was being nasty and have ceased entirely to submit anything whatsoever internet related. Unit 1's labs finished last week and I never got to 'consummate' anything despite many a shoulder rubs, breathing down my neck and entire steps of my experiments completed for me. I guess this is probably a good thing, but i can't help seeing not seeing it through as a minus... but here's a definite plus!!!! today I had my last of unit 2's labs and never ever ever have to see my lab partner again!!!!!!! today whenever he 'knocked' me by 'accident' he insisted on rubbing up and down my legs to consolidate?! me or something?? DON'T YOU TRY A LITTLE TENDERNESS WITH ME, MISTER!! (ahh Glee <3) it was as though he'd never been in such close proximity to one of them 'females' before and he had to make the most of it... or something... IT WAS GROSSS. anyways, au revoir! oh wait, that reminds me, today my lab partner also started saying some 'french' words and so I say "as if you speak french" and he goes, "oh didn't I ever mention that to you. oh, ha, I thought you knew already" ugh. then I say, "did you learn at school" he answers negative and a little puzzled I ask how he learnt french and he says he taught himself... very suss.... then I state, "ah well cool, you know I learnt french up until year 12" (which, mes enfants, I actually did) to which he replies "oh that's weird, I can't for the life of me think of anything to say right now.. weird how things work... honestly I can't believe it, my french has just vanished"... yes, funny how things work.

Why?

Why did I see her, Eleanor, the same night at the same event that I spoke about her; Eleanor and her haunting experince with Ewan's music. I thought she were a child. I pointed her out in a line of taller, not necassarilly adults, people. I then realised she was small, barefoot, bra-less, white singlet, long frayed cargo shorts. She was emotionally stunted. She had a child's body. She was Eleanor.

Why did thier balloons never fly free. Why did it have to be theirs.

Idiot

What a crazy night. Waves of chaos onto our shores and separate waves over me. Interfering and propagating. Sometimes I feel like dorothy... double time. Firstly I feel I like I can see emerald city in the distance and I've entered the poppy field and I'm running when suddenly I can't run anymore... I'm so... sleepy... and I just have to... rest for a minute. But I can't rest because I'm working and so everything I do I can't help but do in slow motion and in my mind I don't know where I am anymore. I am at work but this doesn't feel like work because this doesn't feel like my own mind. When I talk it's lethargic and they're heavy words filled with deep meanings and I feel with each sentence and order I trip and fall. Falling and tripping... good or bad for me? Then as well as this it's as though I'm caught in the twister and and everything is spinning around me.

Why did I go home? Why did I leave to catch my bus? And now, because I went home and because I caught the bus and because I didn't follow the night, the night is holding me back. I'm spited by its moon who is forcing me to hold it all in. Bowl, Schmowl! I'm trying to cry!

Why did I have to mimic my crazy night at work, couldn't I just leave us be? Now that I've been sporadic all I can be is sorry.

T-eye-d

I chucked an all nighter yet again to get an assignment in. Then one of my group members for the oral couldn't end up coming cos she was sick and I didn't end up having to do my assignment anyway.

I'm going through my usual symptoms of staying up studying/doing an assignment. It generally goes as follows.

1) Being really sleepy around 11-12am. This is a crucial point of your night, if you rest your head or lapse into a horizontal position you're basically fucked. (That was so close to being me last night)

2) Realising how fucked you are and so you at least make it to your laptop but you still fuck around on the internet cos you've found a video of meerkats/caught up with Facebook stalking. I'd say this could last for the rest of the night but for me most recently it was 1am. During this time you'll have quite a few friends online who don't have work to do to chat to.

3) 2-4am. Crack down. Drinking caffeine begins now. I don't drink coffee. So this is the only time I will and this is also the only time I'll drink energy drinks (unless it's jaegerbomb nomnomnom [or maybe you caught me time travelling back to my pulse drinking days... and that tastes the same as redbull which makes me feel like I'm drinking alcohol whenever I drink it]). The best thing to do is spread out the caffeine. Well you feel a bit of a lull in energy then I'd go get a tea or coffee. I don't think tea helps that much to be honest. V/Redbull makes your heart race and I'm also scared of dying from that cos it does say 'max 2 cans' and that's of the small ones, not the ridiculous epic sized cans. Oh and you know it's an all nighter when friend's who are living in different timezones are online when they never are.

4) Almost seeing the light but not quite. You want to give up and say fuck it. I'd say at this point I am really trying to reach the word limit. Suicidal thoughts might also put into your head. Which reminds me I have favourite late study songs... I can't remember all but they are hell motivational and shit... Biggie Smalls Suicidal Thoughts, Up soundtrack, Lady Gaga Born this Way, Miley Cyrus The Climb, Jackson 5 I want you back, The Virgins Love is Colder Than Deal, The Only One from that Australian movie I forget who sings it... there's more maybe for all you slackers I'll make a post of good "study" music. HAHA actually this reminds me, the night before Outward Bound in Year 11 I stayed up all night and danced around to keep my energy up I'm pretty sure I was listening to Fat Boy Slim.

5) 5am. For me this is around when my parents get up and they usually do the 'oh my god you're up so early' or 'what are you doing up so early'. And before when I was at school I'd be like yes... "woke up early". But now that I'm a ruthless uni student I'm like pfffffttt wake up early? Sleep is for the weak. Insomniac 4 life.

6) 6-7am. Depending on when you need to get it in. This is crunch time. Quality of work decreases wonderfully around here.

7) Okay so hopefully past 8 you are done but that ain't always the case. Usually this is when I drive to school/uni and this is where I get really cranky and feel like yacking/passing out. I was also wearing tight jeans today which did not help my tumtum.

8) Feeling like absolute shit and wanting to jump off of a bridge except there are no suicidal-worthy bridges in Perth.

9) Past about lunch my body tricks itself and I usually just go back to my normal body.

Annnnnnnnnnnd if you are lucky you will get a twitching eye. Like me. Right now ;;;;;;;) <--- that ain't heaps of winks that's my attempt of a twitching eye smiley.

Mother's day talk

"Valentines day is stupid. It's a waste of money. So is father's day and so is mother's day" says the child.

"Well yes, why do you need one day to appreciate your mother when you should appreciate her every day of the year?" replies the mother.

"Err! When's children's day?! No one celebrates us." the child retorts.