Whatcha bloggin' at BlogBear?

Good evening Personhood,

This is Dirtbag and BlogBear here, your none and only source into the un-scandalous lives of the scum of the earth. Top story on our page? Questions may arise about the state of dirtbag's hands, completely taped over, and it is fair enough that people will conclude to the next plausible and very possible reasons:

1) Dirtbag gave hand to a man with a rose for a penis. For those who do not have a vivid imagination we shall describe to you this delicious meal. The penis began with a beautiful pink rose head like velvet petals which sent Dirtbag into an orgasmic frenzy hence why she gave it hand, little did she realise that it possessed a shaft of thorns. Alas her hands bled like the mark of a rub and tug virgin.

2) hollysgotablender@hotmail.com

3) In a plea of courtly love Dirtbag took up boxing for BlogBear (BlogBear loves Million Dollar Baby and finds a 66 year old Morgan Freeman sexually appealing).

4) Dirtbag was lonely without BlogBear last night so she tried to pleasure herself by fingering which wasn't enough for the hussy that she is so she double fisted herself until she realised she possessed vagina dentata. Visual interpretation: Rebecca/Sibyl meets Kill Bill Volume 1/Jaws.

5) She's a cuntface.

6) Here's how it really went: Dirtbag punched some random real good who called bullshit on her existence, so she goes to punch them again but hits a wall instead. The Bullshitter's whore knocks Dirtbag over with her come-fuck-me boots into a dangerous pile of broken bottles.

Make up your mind and say what you will but it's defiantly one of these reasons.

Doesn't BlogBear love it when:

• she wakes up at 1:10pm and realises half of her day has gone and all those ambitious plans have also gone to shit. (Yeah but doesn't Dirtbag love it more when BlogBear doesn't wake up till 4:00pm despite many phone calls to landlines and mobiles. Especially when she was sent off by a cab that night and nobody had heard from her since. Yes Dirtbag loves the near certain death of BlogBear.)
  
• Dirtbag acts like BlogBears needy girlfriend, what with the constant calls and moans.
• she has to write an English Lit. essay which is over a month late (where she proves to be better than Dirtbag who has not written any of hers), conquer a never-ending list of Maths homework, know more than she would like to know about her circulatory and digestive system, a Drama assignment where she has to make miniature fridges and chairs (this is where being a ratio-perfectionist really doesn't come handy for time), a Philosophy assignment that will enlighten your perspective on whether a computer can be a person, a History essay that is long over-due on how 'the economic and social policies of successive Republican Governments allowed for the world of inequality intolerance and squalor' towards the African Americans during the 1920s' (please do not be impressed for this is pretty much all Blogbear has done. (also the reason why Dirtbag doesn't do any social sciences: 'Pol Pot and Robert Mugabe are different because one is white and the other is black' the teacher than corrected her in-class essay with "Pol Pot was not white")).
• she knows this is a load of crap and no one is going to read this.
  

Simile of the post thanks to our good ol' American highschoolers: He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Note to reader: Our blog is an art of 12 years of familiarity, seven years of friendship, three years going steady and one year of mind-boggling sex (mind-blogging sex for the pun-needy) . There's really no one else to blame but yourself when you don't understand us. Don't wanna sound cocky but whats google for?