Boys will be boys

Do you know what the only thing better than girls posing in photos? It's GUYS posing in photos! It's even better than a Myspace slut with more friends then she can mathematically handle who peaked at age 15 because she matured too early and took photos of herself that were deceiving enough for her father to stumble across and wank over then later realising it was his own daughter then wanking over the fact that he just did that.

I can understand why girls want to look good in photos, with the lacking self confidence and the simple truth of wanting to look moderately appealing to the opposite sex, but why do guys pose in photos?

Ahhhhh yes, english has taught me a few things in the past and now I may only watch shitty films like The Great Gatsby where the whole film is just one giant fade in of one scene into another whilst the actors are all sweaty and the camera man just discovered the zoom button in lit. but I've still got the midas touch when it comes to a critical eye for subliminal messages, symbolism and over analysing.

It just opens a whole bag of questions for Blogbear. So here's my shot at asking a few of these questions. Who are you trying to impress when you look down so sexily in your photos? Why do you scrunch your beautiful face? Is it because you are caring and compassionate and you don't want others to self-harm when they see your beauty? When you look up into the corner of your eye (it's the I'm-Looking-Somewhere-Else Look), what are you looking at I wonder. Did a certain Gobzilla pop a titty as the photograph was being taken? Or worse yet, was there a persistant fly buzzing around? When you pout... why do you want to look like Angelina Jolie? When you use excessive hand gestures (that range from letters of the alphabet, peace signs to sexual connotations) what are you trying to say to the viewer?

Someone, please answer these questions and email them into cute_rock_angel_hot_aussie_naughty_dirty_slut_horse@hottymail.com

P.S. There is one male out there who is a serial photo poser... we all know who you are. Watch out! Here comes the Poser Boy!

Turtle Entrails

here are two of my most dreadful turtle experiences. no, the worst experiences of my life actually.

1) i was staying in Lancaster county, Pennsylvania (where the Amish live) and were at this restaurant which was meant to be hell nice but i couldn't really tell cause almost all American food to me tastes American and the service could have seemed superior except you get the same fucking water topping up OCD freaks everywhere in the US. actually this fucking water topping up OCD freak seemed kinda cool and was fairly attractive so at the time i probably did think the place was nice.
anyways earlier my parents(ugh)had read somewhere that tourists should definitely try Philadelphia's specialty, Snapper Soup. and so not having the chance to in Philadelphia , seeing it on the menu at this fine restaurant meant my parents both ordered it. mmmh i didn't want any since i don't usually like fish. when it arrived it came in these two small souffle dish looking things and the soup was brown. a really gross brown colour. my parents both made weird faces as they tasted it and so, interested and being the crazy kind of kid i am i decided to taste it. i got the soup spoon, picked up a little less than half the spoon's capacity and as i pulled it up realised that there where these lines joining the little amount to the big amount. anyways it tasted revolting and it was gooey and stringy at the same time. generally disgusted by it we asked the fucking water topping up OCD freak next time he came over what was in the soup but he didn't know. then, we called over his superior who informed us...
it was turtle.
i started to tear up and my whole family was shocked beyond belief. i had to leave the table cause i felt myself need to throw up. i spent ten minutes in the toilet crying properly hard and being prepared in case i did vomit.
a fucking turtle. of all animals in the world a turtle would be the last one I'd ever want to eat. ever. i think one of my biggest regrets or discomforts that i have with myself is that i never managed to throw up that night. i had to sleep that night knowing there was turtle within me and that the turtle couldn't help being so disgustingly stringy when cooked cause it was never ever meant to be eaten. :(

2)Albino turtle.^^^^^^^^^^you can go fuck Mr. Armadillo. yuck yuck.

Turtle Emails

This is what happens when a Turtle Lover meets another Turtle Lover:




Hello, i like very much the idea of purchasing short neck turtle. I was just wondering how many you have in stock?

And if so, are they available in any other colour rather than the more tradtional green colour. Because i like to consider myself a bit of an 'out there' person, i cannot help but get excited over the prospect of maybe an orange or red turtle! If this is not possible, and im stuck with a green one, would any damage be done if i were to maybe spray paint them on a daily basis? Or would you not recommend this?

Any help would be greatly appreciated.



____________________________________________________________________________________



We have several short neck turtles for sale, but if your intention is to harm the animal by wanting to change its colour by spray painting it daily I will not sell you one as this will surely be a very cruel death.



Kind Regards,

Donna Smith



____________________________________________________________________________________


When you say several, how many exactly? Because I am very interested in buying quite a few of them as they are just the most adorable little animal, arnt they?!

I apologise if it has come across that it is my intention to harm them. That is definitely not the case. So i guess the spray painting would not be recommended. That is okay. A green turtle is better than no turtle!

On your website it says they cost $85 each. I was just wondering, if i were to buy say, i dont know, work off a rough figure of 14.5, would there be any reduction in this price?

I also would like to know a rough lifespan of these animals. Because, like any parent, I do not want to lose my kids before my time is up. And yes, these turtles will be treated like my own precious offspring as i am unfortunately infertile!

Regards,
Turtle lover

_____________________________________________________________________________________




We have a limit of 5 Turtles per customer and seeing as we are short stocked at the moment until after xmas we are unable to offer any discount.

The short neck turtles live for 30years+ and they grow quite large (30cm Shell). They don’t stay little for long. They would be alright in an aquarium for the 1st year but would need to moved into a much larger area after that.

Kind Regards,

Donna Smith




____________________________________________________________________________________





Okay. Five is good. But i want more. Are they easy enough to breed? Would you say they are a 'horny' type of animal like i hear dolphins are?

Ohhh 30years+. I think that will be perfect for me. I have quite a large aquarium, so that will be no troubles for the first year. After that, i have a pool in the backyard. Would that be sufficient enough area? Obviously i will still want to swim in the pool and everything like that. So do they require a special sort of water that is also ok for humans to swim in? Have you ever swum with turtles before? I think its definitely something i want to experience in my life.

Also, what sort of food do they eat? Would they be like my pet Black Headed Python named Tony who eats rabbits? Or do they have a different kind of diet?

Sorry about all these questions. I could google them or go on Wikipedia, but i think talking with experts directly is the best possible way to ensure my turtles live a long and fruitful life.

Regards,
Turtle Lover



_____________________________________________________________________________________



Dear Ben,



I would suggest you purchase a book to learn about keeping turtles before purchasing any.

There is a Turtle care sheet available on our web site under care info.

Turtles only breed once a year and must be compatible, I have no idea regarding the sex life of dolphins.

An outdoor pond is an acceptable home for a turtle not a swimming pool.



Kind Regards,

Donna Smith




____________________________________________________________________________________


Donna,

I'd rather purchase the turtles first and just learn as i go. This is by far the best learning way for me. Learning from mistakes is what i do best!

There is just one last question i'd like to ask and, please, dont read into it at all. But i was just wondering if turtle meat was edible and what they taste like? Because most people just explain it to be like chicken. Like everything. Surely not everything can taste like chicken! Please do not take this question the wrong way, i surely do not intend on buying them to eat. That is definitely not the case. But if they were to die before myself, i just dont like money going to waste, so want to know if this is an option or not.

Other than that, i think i know everything i need to know. I would now like to place an order for five. How do i go about doing this?

Regards,
Turtle lover



____________________________________________________________________________________



Hi Ben,



I will not be selling you anything.

Your questions are totally inappropriate.

Do not email again.



Kind Regards,

Donna Smith



_____________________________________________________________________________________



Ok. Well im sorry you feel that way and can't help me. I will take my business elsewhere to somebody who is more understanding and willing to help me with my passion for turtles.

Regards,
Turtle lover

Hummingbird's Favourite Colour is Red

this is the most disgusting thing



and it's called an armadillo. yuck. I'm going to go yack.

P.S. last post was our one-hundredth :)

Pretty Woman Walkiiing Down The Line!

you walk the line and we say, "hey babe, take a walk on the wild side."

fuck that, you don't even walk the line. you steer clear like kelly clarkson and maybe you'll point the tip of your boot in its direction and maybe it'll touch the edge of the paint. But this line of yours has you whipped!

We often claim there is no line, that it does not exist in any situation except when talking about big, black, cock fucking babies because that 'cures aids' okay, cause that's disturbing and i think I'm gonna wash my hands, i mean scrub the shit out of them, tonight especially good for having typed that. if anything, there's an anti-line and this anti-line asymptotes at that little sore subject mentioned last sentence but otherwise it is completely continuous. One fracture, nothing more.

anti-line or whatever aside, THERE IS NO FUCKING LINE!!!

I'd consider it a positive trait of ours, one of my favourites, but it seems inevitable that the obvious will result, BlogBear and i will end up killing someone and still not think we crossed the line. Good, cause there ain't no fucking line.

This is probably how people become psycho killers but I stand by our lineless lives. You on the other hand have the choice to quiver whilst stepping around egg shells or go catch a dick and realise that real guys go for real lineless girls.

maybe it's because of [us] that [you] never stray too [close to the line].
i don't know.

you may walk the line or near it or whatever but we play with fiiiiirrree, the ring of fiiiiirrrreee

and all the coloured (virgin) girls (babies) go do do dododododododod

if you're with us on a good day when we're not out rebelling against your line with too much effort you may catch us say, "yeh you look pretty" well so you think, cause under our breath we'll continue, "...ugly"

Three's a crowd, four is not

What's cooler than being cool?

Beginning your night at midnight and finishing it just before the crack of dawn with three of your favourite people. To fulfill our 16 year old status as teenagers yes we must sneak out and experience the badass feeling of being truly free (or several hours of street roaming abilities). Last night I was accompanied with Dirtbag, Alex, Lulu and Lucy.

Let us introduce to you, Lucy In the Sky with Silver. Such an illustrious person, a feeling, a friend and foe. From afar you might mistake her as a goon bag but no she is so much more than that, a mistake of the factory maybe. She who had lived her whole life in a box came out that night to make our night come alive. We got on our knees like only a good slut can to suckle on her breasts, her lips, her facelessness. She climbed up onto a roof top with us and there we sat, danced and sung. With Lulu laughing on top of a roof proclaiming "We have personified a goon bag!".

There's something so great about walking in the late night when nobody else is there. It's like a post-apocalypse scenario and us, the aweeessooooomeee foursome, have stood the test of time. We begun the not-actually-that-long walk to the city to allow for Blogbear to satisfy her need for a McDonald's burger. We were visited by the coolest cops and one who was the most beautiful police woman we've ever seen. If you had seen us lying, standing, sitting at all different levels you woulda thought we were trouble too. I lying on the pavement, Alex on top of a wall, Dirtbag a little lower, Lulu the highest on a balcony. When a police car stops you feel so fucked, like okay here we go bring on the force. We all get down and sit at the bus stop at 1 something in the morning. She asks us what we're doing and I reply by telling her my quest for a burger. She tells me "well you'll have to walk off that burger." who knows what she means, I love her.

Things we did on our journey to the 24 hours McDonalds: I climbed a tree, I bought Twisties for $1.80, I was pushed in a trolley, Lulu and Dirtbag pick up a Spanish man, Alex is intimidated by catholics, I quote "No, you don't understand I'm protestant they're catholic. People get killed for that back home.", sucessfully got into and kicked out of the backpackers resort, Lulu and Dirtbag peed a total of six times (click of my tongue to that), I know people can't help it but the constant pissing pisses me off.

What does Blogbear have to show for the past 24 hours? A cigarette burn, a cut on her foot, bruises on her leg, ribs and arm.

P.S.

Two Reasons To Leave Perth:

To pursue sick parties,

and sicker shoes. Alexander McQueen; you scare and amaze me.

Well Born EDIT

(Probably best to read the last post before this one:))

AFTER



I went to Melbourne

things i learnt whilst abroard
1) i am super super super sneaky but better still it's known. and

2) i read obscure magazines

Number One- the stories goes somehting like.... "you mother, stop using my toothpaste and don't break the lid of it!" "It wasn't me. It was probably your sister" "no, I know it was you because Dirtbag is really sneaky and i knwo she uses my toothpaste at home only because it runs out really fast optherwise she doesn't leave a trace. therefore it was you!"

Number Two- my dad was making a deal but a humerous deal over the fact i bought an expensive magazine. I say "yeh but i love magaizines" and mother says "yeh havn't you seen her mass collection in her room. One time i wanted something to read so i went to get one and it was all like gay porn or something. I was taking to my best friend about it and she asked her kids and apparently that magaixzine is notoriously known as a wierd kind of magaizne." i say "what? which magazine?" and she goes " i dunno, i dunno. i put it donw right away. right away. i can't remember the name!"

Well Born

BEFORE




i wenteth toerth mmelbourneth.


things i leatn whilst abrouard
1) i am super super super sneaky but better still it's known. and
2) i read obscure magazines

numero un! the stories goes somehting like.... "you mother, stop with the usage of my toothpaste and don't breath my fucking tube cap or i'll have to pop a cap on your ass" "son, son, sonny, boy, how does thou noist it twas meeee? why?> it was maybe your gather or perhaps you siter" "no bitch IT WAS YOOOOOOOUUU (death seal)" "nup nup it wasn't me""ahah woman, you , you, coniving vunt. it cant havebeen MadMan caus ehe leaves the ,elon n his mouht and it wasn't Ditbag cause i know she uses mine at home but she's so super super sneaky i can't actually telly excapt for the fact that my toothpast runs out quicker otherwise she shows no sign of yousinf my past. AH i am snealy

numeron deux! my dad was making a deal but a humerous deal over the fact i bought an expensive magazine. iiii saaay "yeh but i love magaizines" and moehter not so dearest says "yeh havn't you seen her masss collection in her foom" and zen mi dad says ":yeh and zeeeennn mi mom says "yeh/. one time i wasnted somehtign to read so i went to get one and it was all like gay porn or something. i was taking to bets frined about it and she asked her kids and apparently that magaixzine is notoriously known as a wierd kind of magaizne. i gooo "what? hwta magazine?" and she goes " i dunot' know i dunnno. i put it donw right away. right waya. i can't rmeber the name"
so yehh amnd a fruit bag. i don't know wht or anyithng but yeh. thatr's what i elarnt about myselffffffuckkkkkkkkkiteeeeeeeeeggggggggggggoooonnnnnnnnnnnniickerssssssexxxxxxxylerphoneeee

Mega Shark Vs. Gaint Octopus

Step One: watch this


Step Two: feel for me via feelage for the exploited stars

I don't think the trailer nor even the film truly emphasise how fucking big the 'menaces' are. I understand the tight budget against the need for the creation of this most incredible body of work and therefore realise that the changing size depictions of the octopus and shark throughout the film were simply the result of limited special effects, so some realism was lost. But come on, MEGA shark and GIANT octopus were huge. fucking huge, at least that's the idea i got it my head, and so i really feel the protagonists and the film itself were hard-done-by for not reaching the true scale of themselves. I mean if you're gonna exaggerate, do it well. I know they meant to, like exaggeration was definitely in their hearts, the intention was there; what with the shark jumping 100,000 metres out of the water and eating a plane. That's good shit but still the film let itself down a little and hence went straight to video.

Step Three: witness the most PERFECT thing I've ever seen


Step Four: say goodbye to San Fransisco

Great Expectations

BlogBear and i have known someone for a long time. It's pure coincidence that we both know him but i doubt he knows either of us. Maybe he knows of us, he probably does since I've spoken to him many times and we've been to each others' houses, know each others' families and know similar people. But still, there is alot of distance between us.

He is Handsome, so very very handsome and always has been. And he just keeps getting nicer and nicer looking. It suits his personality perfectly.

Onetime BlogBear and I were standing in one of the city malls between David Jones and Borders just talking when suddenly this man runs by then stops less than two metres infront of us. He stops, seems to rise a little, he, towering above all of the crowd, looks about with his chin high then runs off again, so fast but smoothly with long strides. It doesn't seem like fast movement, but it's noticeable because it was quickly that he was out of our sight. It was like experiencing the sublime. It felt incredible. He looked like a man, like a proper man. he was dressed as though he'd been working out or something but still in casual attire. It seems as though he were the divine, most raw man who slotted in so perfectly into the world around him and he was the basis of all men to follow.
We watched as his vanished into the 5 o'clock crowd of men in suits, women in power suits and trainers and the array of mullets in peroxide and black, pinafores, tracksuit jackets and fluro head bands which were prominent at the time. We stood for a while, basking in the moment. We had nothing to feel of him, he didn't leave a trace, it was like he'd never been there. i swear to god we could have blinked and missed it cause though it may have actually lasted maybe 10 seconds it simply felt like only one which had been drawn out.

This boy'll do that to you. take your breath away. BlogBear saw him yesterday and couldn't speak, she stuttered for the minute after the encounter. He is the still point of the turning world. He is.

I am just so thankful that i know him. Seriously, he's the kind of person who offers sense. So fucking thankful for the random chances which have left to seeing him alot and a lot of times and also for knowing people who provide the link.

i saw some photos today of incredible skies. One sky really, Perth sky, but it looked really beautiful and so i sent them to BlogBear


Dirtbag says:
how nice is the sky

Dirtbag says:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=324527&id=821765075&ref=nf#/photo.php?pid=9156727&id=821765075

Dirtbag says:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=324527&id=821765075&ref=nf#/photo.php?pid=9156726&id=821765075

BlogBear says:
yeah

Dirtbag says:
like incredible

BlogBear says:
not as good as ****

BlogBear says:
not half as good


Nothing compares to you, ****. I can't even give him a Person X alias. He's too good for that. But yes, everything in our lives, even when it's on a completely different spectrum, in a different league, with no constants or mediators between them cannot live up to him. Despite the irrelevance, he sits as god, whom nothing compares to.

Give me a camera and shaver and I'll stand before you and sing of his incomparable-ism in one long take.

****, WE FUCKING LOVE YOU

Double Time

I've been attending school... in my holidays.

Ha i should end the post there but no, it gets better.

Everyone in my class is friends except i think they mostly only met each other on Monday and so they've made super progress and left me behind. whatever. Y'all don't know me. but then i turn my back, take a few paces, scratch at some bark, pick at my fingers, scuff my feet into the sand, pout my lips, shrug my shoulders, whatever, i don't care.
Yeh so they all know each other and shit and I'm left as the chick who wears black, knows nobody and has a fucked up voice (royalshow/drinking) but whatever, that's how they see me, again, y'all don't know me.

This is when i close my blogger window and take a quick break while basking in my own self pity to complete a facebook quiz, "What Stereotype Are You In High School?"...

In maths today we're sitting there, me in the back corner, and then my teacher says "the limit..." and before he finishes I jump up out of my seat and yell "the limit does not exist! the limit does not exist!!!" then, i suddenly click back into reality, look around and everybody's fucking laughing at me. One girl goes "oh hey, hahah Mean Girls, right" acknowledging my quote but other than that everyone is staring at me. I don't even get it myslef. It just happened. I hadn't even been paying attention to the lesson. I then slumped back down in my seat and returned to the shadows. My teacher continued, "as the limit tends to 2..."

For those of you who haven't seen mean girls or to the others who never realised it pure geniousness and took it for face value therefore not watching it enough times for the script to be entirely embedded into your brain, fuck you!

and also watch this clip. You can just start at 8.00 though, if ya wanna.