I charge per pervert

Just before I wanted to watch Kids and so I googled "watch kids online", took me a couple of seconds to realise the potential seediness of that line. So I tried to rephrase it so it didn't sound as perverted, "watch online kids"... yeah.

I have to say quietly, I can't bring myself to do the shit I did a month ago.

Can you pump a pumpkin?

I saw some comically small pumpkins today, shaped like a penis.

Fuck that ;)

Personal Gain

It's only right...

and marvelous and glorious

that I win my 3141st game.

The universe raising its arms at me and proving faithful on a day when I've been let down by

people who should probably open windows rather that mouths/ legs.

(Someone better know why 3141 is a cool number, okay)

Sit and stay like the dog I am

Thought I'd inform you, da reader, that I haven't left my house since Friday afternoon. So uh, by the time I leave tomorrow morning that would have been about four days I've racked up. I literally have not left the compound of my house. I think I went ouside once to bring in the grocery but never did I dare set foot on the road (or anything beyond). I think I may have showered once as well... wait let me think, yeah I think once. I haven't accomplished anything this weekend. I didn't leave to see anyone, to make any ends meet. The ends met me.

Oh and I have decided that I want to start a hat collection. I don't know whether I'll follow up on this but uh, Dirtbag and I have our eyes on two sexy pairs of fluffy animal print (leopard I think) beret/beanie/hat thangs. They will bless our heads this winter. I should start wearing my Coca-Cola hat out but it gives mean hat hair and isn't really practical. I also really, really want a leather cap and an american flagged scarf but not silk - the result from excessive youtubing.

Seeeeeeeeeeeeya in the sunlight suckers.

The Smart Man's Guide To Procrastinating

Hi, it's the Smart Man here to help you attempt to reach for the stars and fail miserably. Follow these steps and you'll be able to disappoint any time soon!

1) Make an alarm for some time bright and early that makes you feel like you will accomplish something the next day. 7am is a classic and traditional choice, you can spice it up with a 9am if later is your style.

2) Ignore your alarm as many times as possible and make sure you tell yourself you'll "wake up in five minutes".

3) Wake up at around midday and feel like you've come out of a coma, also realise that you've wasted half of your day.

4) Crawl out of bed and feed on some junk. Promise yourself you will do homework after your feed.

5) Turn on your t.v. and check if anything is good on. Promise yourself you will do homework after one t.v. show.

6) If step 5 shows no luck, resort to the internet where there is an endless amount of blogs, social networking sites, videos, porn to waste at least 1-3 hours.

7) Go on Facebook and read through your news feed and notifications.

8) Reconnect with friends via text, phone call, msn, Facebook chat, morse code, whatever you need regardless of the fact you speak to them every other day.

9) Eat dinner. Eat your meal really slowly too. Savour every spoonful as you most likely will end up in a deadbeat job where you can hardly make enough money to eat.

10) Take a bath as this is a great way to waste not just time but also water. So you're doing something for yourself and the world.

11) By now you should realise you don't have much work time left so you can swear to yourself you'll do an "all nighter".

12) Go on the computer again, play some form of addictive game.

13) Open a folder, this will at least make you feel like you are going to start some work. Otherwise open a word document and title it, this will defiantly look like progress.

14) Stay up till around midnight and realise you're too tired to make any productive work.

15) Promise yourself you will wake up early the next morning and do heaps of homework.

16) Repeat step 1.

Pornetry

I found this written somewhere...

Lips on your lips

Mouth on dick

Tongue on cunt

Digust in my mind

Vomit in my throat

But your tears feel warm as they fall onto my forearm

How easy is it to love and lose?
Never tear us apart?
Cue laughter. Roll around in bed.
Love love love.
It'll go away fairly quick.

A Lost Cause

This, I'm sure means nothing to you, but I'll write it here anyways until I start my own new blog solely dedicated to solitaire( This'll never happen by the way). I just thought you should all know of the surreal experience I had this evening. A game of Solitaire like no other. It was like the game was playing itself. So completely effortless. It was the perfect game. The cards had been perfectly dealt.

I don't think any of you will appreciate this but it was a beautiful game.

I was awestruck and amazed. Right now I feel as though I have been touched by an angel.

P.S. anyone who this does interest please leave a comment although I'll be expecting none.

Belated Easter Wishes

yeah so Happy Easter everyone

Extra Extra Small

WOWZA

rodarte

balenciaga

We're going to Jackson

I think that, maybe, forgiveness is the key to moving on and maybe avoidance is the key to every earth-shattering break up.

Weeks, months, and for some perhaps years are spent picking and dissecting at all of the shitty things about that person, and the things they have done to you, and whom they have done that to you with. It's that person that makes you groan out loud, the one you spend your time being upset about, or angry at. All the energy in your body pulsates in thinking, caring, crying, hurting till one morning you'll wake up tired, weakened at the core where you used to feel like a million dollars. I think that if you aren't going to do anything about your hurt, as in no confrontation, then there's really no productive use for it anymore.

Yeah this is probably going to sound like complete bullshit and dribble. This is nawwwt me but I'm watching it from afar and have been for way too long. Let them and the others be Lucifer, let yourself be whomever. Realise that they might be shit but you are too and move on.

P.S. I love it when couples break up.

lebensraum

I never ever saw this coming at all. Here I am simply functioning This is me at a meeting, not doing any meeting. This is my work. My day job. Ordering and filing and trying to win at life; trying to move up the ladder, raise myself, reach the unreachable, posses the unattainable dream.
I'm not being growled at, my boss is not abusing me but god I feel as though I am. I'm trying to work and crying. I can't help it. This office noise has been extracted from a much more beautiful, sadder, so very very sad scene. He's moving up, up the stairs. Yes. No. They both enter. Heartbreak is breaking up reality.
But I'm at my desk simply playing the game. Simply functioning and being apart of life. This is self inflicted. I pressed play and then I chose to repeat and when I chose to play I knew what I was getting myself into and I knew I'd go for the repeat. My speakers succeeding at raping me. It's okay though, everything is okay.
And then I see someone from a different time. A time which feels as though it should be referred to as a historical period, in a formal way. Taught to the masses and embraced as a different way on this consistent world. In seeing this now distanced person I take the scene and unintentionally manipulate it to be of a different origin. Had the scene been playing in my own head during the time of ours; after prime, absence and loss of innocence. Fuck me it feels like it. It fucking well feels like it and I thought it'd all have fucked off by now. No, clearly not. The original sin, cause I've been lured to fall.