180mm

I always wished I was taller...

My favourite hours of the day

10.30pm-5.30am

Why? These are the hours my mother is most likely not mobile, or not enough to open her mouth.

5.30am-3.30pm

Why? She is usually working.

Issue? She can use a telephone to spread her wrath of evil.

DANGER ZONE = 3.30pm-10.30pm

Why? She is conscious and mobile. She is the human vacuum cleaner/trash dispenser, by this it means she can not identify what is trash from treasure thus anything that comes into contact with her is likely to be thrown out.

Issue? Just enough issues to fund the psychiatric business.

Sleep is a form of avoidance

Yesterday (because now it is 2.38am) I was the catalyst to my brother crying, he was more or less wailing about how he "fucking hated" everyone because he is the poor tortured one and nobody understands him. It all began with him remarking at two men kissing with 'ew' and 'that's disgusting', which in return makes me uncomfortable that it's making him uncomfortable. All in all we had a big argument whether he was homophobic or not and it was one of those arguments where my mind was never going change and he knew deep down he wrong because he was silent for so long festering in his all mighty anger.

I ended up going to sleep at 5pm because I was so pissed off with everyone in my family. I figured it was a good way to ignore everyone and pass time. I drew the curtains, let down the blinds and tried to fall asleep with the light seeping through the cracks of my bent blinds. I woke up at around ten and realised I hadn't slept long enough to see the next day.

So now I'm sitting in bed waiting for the sun to come up because I've got nothing better to do and have done everything I can for the past five hours.

A cup of warm milk awaits me. I should buy one of those baby bottles with the chewy tops. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Shit that is irritating me

So I noticed that we haven't posted in the past ten days, I wish I could say all that exam stress was getting to me but that isn't true. When I finished exams I felt close to nothing as everyone asks the "So how does it feel?" with their hopeful eyes which I presume have been looking over many notes, unlike myself, I just said something like "I think if I had studied harder it would have felt better...".

I am irritated right now by:

Itchy skin. I think everything is becoming too dry... and there's a part of my shins that is beginning to resemble images of severe desertification, which is really unattractive and I don't have an excuse cos it isn't winter.

Being hungry. I swear I am always hungry and there is almost never anything to eat.

Lack of loyalty. I'm pretty shit and I've come to notice other people are too. I had a funny thought tonight, how everyone commits "dog acts" because everyone is such a dawwwwg, and that was so fuckin' dawg, you know? Well aren't dogs meant to be fucking loyal?

No answers. When you ask a question and people dodge it, or they say they're too tired to answer, or they just walk into their bedroom and lock the door. Yeah that's directed at you, mum of the year. For once, give me a straight yes or no answer, because I know how much you love using option B.

To be honest, all in all, I am really quite happy right now. I was just thinking about the shit that irritated me which is sometimes easier to articulate than what makes me happy because I'm so good at complaining and then telling people about how much everything sucks because there are too many dicks (douchebags not the sexual organ) in the world and not enough time. I feel pleasant.

how could I not

Amen sistah

Shit I've learnt from not studying and watching 90210 till 5am

Reoccurring themes in teen dramas (I don't know if this just happens in life or whether writers can't think of anything new):

• Girl testing the waters of a lesbian relationship.
• Suddenly falling for your best friend.
• Suddenly falling for your best friend's ex.
• Cheating on a beloved one.
• Bad boy with mysterious and brutal background.
• Bad boy actually has heart.
• Bad boy, shock horror, reads!
• Girl reforms bad boy.
• Bad boy breaks girl's heart.
• Someone is secretly gay.
• Girl falls in love with crazy guy but girl doesn't believe her friends that crazy guy is crazy.
• Boy goes for older woman.
• Parent's get divorced.
• Girl's mum is hot.
• Girl's mum is a serial divorcee.
• Someone finds out that their friend's parent is cheating.
• Parents die.
• Girl is raped.
• Raped girl is upset for 4-5 episodes then suddenly gets better.
• Virgin girl loses virginity.
• People will always overhear your secrets as they happen to be hiding behind a wall/walking in.

I'll be back after more research.

And so it is just like they said it would be

So you ended up changing your name huh? Yeah that's alright cos I know you're the same scumbag that got us here in the first place. You're with another girl... I can't keep track really. You're seeing thousands, you've seen thousands, you'll see me to the end. You're really not as big as everybody says you are, my whole life has not been leading up to this moment. Today I found you on the desk, mine, all mine, all marked for me. I slid myself right in front of you and as I sat there waiting for you to come I didn't feel much, just thinking the same thoughts I've thought all year.

I've already mentioned this but I will again, my teacher said that the students who aren't depressed during the year are the ones that are going to be depressed when the results come back. So uh, I'll decode that, students who have been consistently depressed during the year will come out happy. Those that have been joyously riding along will be depressed afterwards. Well, well, here I come, I'm another fucking outlier. I've been feeling consistently shit all year and I have a feeling I will afterwards too.

Here's to still caring but not enough!