Our Canteen Ladies Listen to Joy Division, How 'Bout Yours?

These are the items which seemed to accumulate in my pocket of my school skirt over this week

• key card
• matches
• ipod
• phone
• big red
• 2 uniform passes
• 3 late slips
• money
• plastic spoon
• condom
• Ernie and Bert badge
• knife
• 4 bus tickets
• pop rocks
• 3 test tubes

They now lay scattered on my bed and i cannot see how they all managed to fit. Well i guess not too well since my knife to cut itself an escape route during assembly without my noticing. On the way to my next class i delved into my marry poppins pocket of goodies ready to pull my knife on an unsuspecting bystander only to find it not there. What the fuck. i then hear that it'd been found on the floor and a teacher in a red jacket had taken it.
this followed:

Person X: Hey how about that woman, she's in pink
Dirtbag: Yeh but who is she?
Person X: Fucked if i know, try her

...

Dirtbag: Hey, you've got my knife
Teacher X: Oh oh okay. That was your knife?
Dirtbag: Yeh, can i have it?
Teacher X: Well it's in my office at the moment, you see i wasn't sure what to do with it. Umm, why, hmm, why do you even have a knife?
Dirtbag: Okay well just leave it at student services and i'll get it later. Can you do that? Okay, seeyou.

Also this week i happened to flash the inside of my pocket to one of our canteen ladies. Oh yes, how becoming of me to whip out a condom over pikelets and milk. She did laugh though and above the back drop of the ladies' choice Love Will Tear Us Apart.

Clearly i know how to work my magic fingers into the hearts of adults. Take me home to your parents, i dare ya ;)