My Pun Gun

There's something I have to admit to everyone. It's not something I'm particularly proud of but its blatantly true; I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Pun Disorder. This doesn't mean I constantly make good puns although I do try. Most importantly is that I take a fair amount of joy in them. I'm that kid who has her jaw dropped as she slaps her knee laughing when that daggy teacher refers to our subject course as "2B or not 2B".

Typically a pun is a play on words. When a friend says "I think she was head over heels over him" when referencing to the act of fellatio on a peer or "It was a handy situation", I laughed longer and louder than I should have. I love the subtlety of a pun. I love the way it can breeze past your ear without anyone noticing it until that glorious moment that is united with laughter... but mainly groans and insults. One of my best friends, she has guest blogged as the Unnamed Female Protagonist, is a fucking queen of puns. I wish her puns weren't as personal as they are so I could post them on here but some day I will but by then I am afriad they would have lost their stigma... ohh pun.

I hope for a day when I am so talented that I speak only in puns. Walker-bys will stop to stare as I greet everyone with endless amounts of puns. I wish I could provide you with a few witty ones right now but I'm ashamed to say I can't think of any... but soon enough crowds will gather as I speak in P/M (puns per minute). Soon there will also be a police force and laws that will limit my puns to a particular amount.

Exampe A: I come riding down past a school ripping into 6 year olds with my puns of 100 P/M until a cop pulls me over and wacks me a ticket for going over 50 P/M in a school zone.

The laughter and hysteria created will only bring death to the frail and those who suffer from OCPD. Premature babies will come crawling out of the birth canal in laughter. I will be welcomed by standing ovations everywhere I go. I will part the Pacific Ocean single handedly with a pun as a fuck you to Moses. I will live as a joker in K. Rudd's castle. With each pun the sun will shine brighter till... till we all burn and die. Death by laughter, the right way to die.