I Drank Your Blood With Some Fava Beans and a Nice Chianti

I happen to know someone who knows someone who is a dentist. Anyways this someone told me about how today at work they gave a guy (a goth) fangs!!!

I was in such a state of shock I completely blacked out. It wasn't till later when I was wiping the blood off my mouth I even knew they were dead!

Well hopefully that's how it pans out for me. I'll get them done then sink my teeth into the Dentist's neck and then his nurse's too and then that's when I wake up and realise "they were dead" and yeh. Dirtbag Wins!

Please note: I am definitely not some twilight crazed teen aka a fanpire (as i saw written on an OK! magazine cover). Never even read the books and found the movie really dull however I have for a long time liked vampires.
Even still, I don't want to get fangs because I like vampires, I don't even give a fuck about that, I want fangs cause they'd be fucking cool!

Anyways, the conversation with my dentist acquaintance continued,"not that i want them or anything, but if I did would you make them for me?" and the dentist said that infact he would to which i replied, "well then I do want them!!" so yeh, I'm gonna get them.

I've also always wanted to open a backyard Dentistry Clinic, you know, in my shed, so I'm sure this will help raise my profile and boost my image amongst the opium dens and the like (vampire cults) where I suppose i could pull patients. mmm so excited for this one.

Things for you to do:

1. Do not watch the documentary on Vampires. I did once cause the cover fooled me into thinking it was about real ones and in fact it's just a mix of either really fat or really skinny losers who apparently drink blood and do crazy sexual shit but i watched what was meant to be the climax at the end of the film and they aren't even that bad; you get to see neither the crazy sex or them actually drinking blood so i call bullshit on them even being a thing like vampires. but yeh, that was my mistake, don't make it too.

2. do watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6a3GR9A8FLI

3. and do allow me the pleasure of being your dentist

No joke though, because seeing as I do have a couple of dentist acquaintances I am actually very skilled at the whole looking in mouths, probing with my fingers and diagnosing your teeth mutations. Ask BlogBear, i told her everything both her dentist and orthodontist told her and for free. See, I have the knowledge down packed, soon I'll have the fangs look down packed (therefore i'd be the coolest dentist that you could possibly employ), so just imagine my greatness once I actually start running my clinic and utilising all those shiny tools I've got in my shed inside your cramped, precious, overly salivery mouth. Ahhh lovely...