Muhammad would awake at noon and return to his bed in the early hours of the day. Sunlight, human contact and reality was rarely on the agenda, however reality t.v. might be on the cards.
Breakfast is actually lunch, and that would be a toasted sandwich with a couple of healthy pieces of ham and cheese, often followed with some sugary Ribena -which is despite the controversy isn't actually good for you.
Foxtel was the next thing on the menu, of course Muhammad would set out what his day would entail (a series of fortunate t.v. shows) or he'd go through every show and film he'd previously recorded. You see, the great thing about Foxtel IQ (and Muhammad doesn't mind sounding like a sales rep here) is that you don't miss a thing! When he left the house (that should be IF he left the house) he would record everything he'd miss and when he'd go to bed he'd do the same.
Life was absolutely and wonderfully slobby. Muhammad's personal hygiene also declined with the increase of television. I could make a great graph for that, with an awesome strong negative correlation but instead use your imagination to picture how dirty Muhammad would have been. The great thing is, no one would have to deal with that, only Muhammad's family had to deal with him -poor them.
MUHAMMAD'S (MY) LIFESTYLE CHANGE
His lifestyle change was really due to two unfortunate things:
1) The dentist happened to find five cavities in Muhammad's mouth.
2) Muhammad was forced into slave/child labour because of his parents.
MUHAMMAD'S POST SLOB LIFESYLE
The days no longer range from 12pm-3am. It ranges from a working day of 9-5pm, and you know what? It's not actually that simple, Muhammad happens to be slaying the man till dark, till the hours of a juvies curfew. Muhammad can no longer sit and eat ice-cream for breakfast, lunch and dinner. He can no longer live in pajamas and avoid human contact.
Two of the cavities have been filled in as of today and Muhammad can no longer eat sweet candy or soda, apparently he's got enough eroding teeth as it is.
What's the result of a slobby lifestyle?
A $700 dental bill, a lot of extra weight, a decrease in intelligence and knowledge, psychological issues that include not being able to draw the line between dreams and reality, and a loss of social decency.
The lesson? Stop the tooth decay, put down that can of coke and that lollipop. You are NOT Lolita, so start brushing your teeth every quarter of every hour. Stop the fat intake and get outside. Put down the fork! You butterbody, butterface, buttereverything. You cellulite sally, tina the talking tummy, love handled, double chinned, wobbly piece of fat. (I just described Muhammad in one sentence ;) [any ladies up for that?] )
So yeah man, get down and jiggy with a long life span and say goodbye to your foe cardiovascular disease.
No comments:
Post a Comment